Welcome to part two of the "Editing Your Manuscript" series! Last time, we talked about specificity, voice consistency, set ups and pay offs, and filter words! Find the link to part one here!
Sensory details
Sight, smell, sound, touch, and even taste. Use all the senses to your advantage when setting a scene to immerse the reader. The details we use can dramatically change a scene and/or convey information without telling.
“The alley was creepy and gross.”
vs
“The narrow road ended in dark shadows, a safe haven–or hunting ground–for the kind of people she didn’t feel like meeting tonight. Overflowing dumpsters leaked litter that blew around on an icy breeze. She shivered, unsure if it was the cold or the eerie dog howls that prickled her skin. A plastic container scraped on the ground, shoved by a sudden gust that brought the putrid scent of rotten food and who knew what else.”
Pacing
We want to balance the pace of our story. Most will have a natural give and take. Action scenes followed by character bonding and recovery. Ways to control pacing include longer (for slower) or shorter (for faster) sentences and chapters, and balancing scenes vs narrative summary. Another good thing to watch out for pacing is when we slip into passive voice during what’s supposed to be a fast-paced scene.
Passive Voice
Passive voice is when the subject of a sentence receives the action rather than doing the action.
Passive voice: "Her skin was chilled by the wind." The subject, "Her skin" was chilled by something (the wind). But if we flip it to--
Active voice: "The wind chilled her skin." The subject is now performing the action. "The wind" chilled her skin.
Passive: The sword was swung.
Active: Fael swung the sword.
Passive voice is sometimes a better fit, like when we don’t know who is doing the action.
Passive: The house was built in 1908.
Active: Someone, probably humans, built the house in 1908.
Passive voice isn't all bad, but it packs less punch. Active voice is generally more engaging for a reader, which is important for action or emotional scenes.
Verb Strengthening
This topic has its own post, find "How Strong Verbs Include Prose" here!
Using rich verbs can do a lot to create a vivid image in the mind of our reader. Looking out for the word “was” can help us recognize an opportunity for a strong verb.
“The dresser was in the corner. A vase that was filled with flowers was on the top.”
Vs
“The dresser towered in the corner. A vase bursting with flowers teetered on top.”
In other news
Editing
I completed my first line edit and got to add it to my portfolio/testimonials. "Shadow & Ghost" by Lex Veia is such a good read. I love Kit so much. Highly recommended for anyone who likes urban fantasy or M/M romance. I'm currently working on my next portfolio line-edit, and it's going well! Can't wait to talk about that one soon!
The podcast is wrapping up Ember East's Daughter of Realms. Submissions have opened, so if you'd like your book to be in the running for the next book club read, make sure to sign up in the discord!
Remember, there are no absolutes in writing. In the end, the story itself is what matters most. Mossgrovewrites hopes to scrutinize traditional craft wisdom and ponder its pros and cons, alongside offering one writer’s opinions and the experiences that shaped them.
Happy writing!
Comments